FIC - What Now? 9/10
Nov. 4th, 2011 07:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verucasalt123
title: What Now? 9/10
pairing: Sam/Dean
rating: R/NC-17 eventually, there will be Wincest at some point
summary: Pre-series. Sam ends up with a baby, and copes as long as he can on his own.
A/N: Sorry, but I had to resort to a narrative POV this time around, it’s just the way it worked in my brain. This story is wrapping up. On the bright side, COME GET YOUR WINCEST, LADIES. You know you want it.
Before either of the Winchesters knew it, two months had passed. Dean was still going on the occasional local hunt, and working during the week, spending as much time as he could with Jay and shockingly loving the hell out of the domesticity and routine his life had taken on. Sam was still working every day, and his stress level had plummeted since his brother had been there to help shoulder the responsibility of taking care of Jay and paying the bills.
But then there was that other thing. Dean was slipping, he could feel it, with the ongoing and completely unacknowledged nightly snuggling. Both of them were too afraid to bring it up with the other, so neither of them said anything, and Sam managed to extricate himself and get into his own bed with the door closed sometime during the night so they wouldn’t wake up like that. It worked, for a while.
Then came the night Dean swore he’d felt Sam kiss him on the forehead, but tried to convince himself he’d imagined it.
He hadn’t imagined it. Sam thought Dean was deeply asleep, so he went farther than he’d ever dared up to this point, leaning down to press his lips against his brother’s temple, just for a second. It was probably harmless, Dean wouldn’t remember it, surely. He was safe.
Or maybe not.
Dean wasn’t as out as Sam had thought he was.
He looked up at Sam with half-lidded eyes. “Dude, did you just kiss me?”, he asked, voice bleary with half-sleep.
Sam moved back from his brother quickly, removing his arm from Dean’s shoulder and pressing himself against the edge of the sofa, mortified that he’d been found out. “It wasn’t – um, I was asleep, I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to”
But that was the end of the stammered excuse, because Dean cut him off, suddenly totally awake and sitting up, forcing Sam to look straight on at him. “Don’t bullshit me, Sam. We’ve been falling asleep cuddled up together for weeks now, and then I wake up alone and we just pretend it never happened. But then it happens again, night after night, and we can’t keep ignoring it. We’ve got to talk. I understand if you’re kind of starved for affection. But hell, I’ve been all over town with Jay, he’s like a fucking chick-magnet. It’s not like you couldn’t have met a nice girl at some point if you wanted to.”
“Seriously, Dean? What kind of time do I have for a social life? You’ve been here for months, and it’s not like you’re in any different situation than I am. You don’t have time for it, either. Anyway, I’m away from Jay all day while I’m working, I take the time that I get with him in the evenings and on weekends, I don’t want to spend that time with anyone else. I don’t want to share it. I don’t want to share Jay.”
“You’ve been sharing it with me”, Dean replied, his voice even but his heart hammering against his chest. “Because I’m family? Because you need me? It’s not like we fell asleep cuddling before you left for college, I mean, not since you were little anyway.”
Sam just looked down, his face flushed and a hint of tears in his eyes. He was ashamed, terrified his brother was figuring out his secret and that he was going to pack up his shit and haul ass out of there any minute.
“Sammy, don’t cry. And don’t think you can’t tell me what you’re feeling.” Dean took a deep breath, rubbed his hand across his face, and just came out with it. “Because I think whatever it is, I’m feeling it too.”
It bordered on the surreal, and Sam considered actually pinching himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming this whole thing. How could they even be having this conversation? There was no way that Dean understood what he was saying, no way that Dean could be feeling what Sam felt. There were crossed wires here, there had to be. Still in an instinctive recovery mode, Sam responded, “You don’t know what you’re saying, man. And I swear you don’t want to know what I’m really feeling. I’m sorry, honest to God, I didn’t mean to let things get like…well, like this. I’ll just go to bed and I swear it won’t happen again. Okay? Just please don’t leave. Please.”
And that was it. All the confirmation that Dean needed – and never thought he’d get. Sam wanted him, the same way that he wanted Sam. To say that he was shocked was an understatement, but there was no way he was going to let his brother think he’d done something wrong. “Leave? Are you kidding me? I’m not leaving you, and you’re wrong if you think I don’t know what I’m saying. I know exactly what I’m saying. And so do you. There’s no point in tiptoeing around it anymore.”
With that, Dean summoned up every ounce of courage he possessed, and leaned forward, kissing Sam’s lips softly. It was less than a minute before Sam relaxed against the touch and kissed him back. At first, it was all very chaste (well, as chaste as it could be, considering he was kissing his brother), but Dean finally ran his tongue against Sam’s lips and Sam immediately opened his mouth, and all of a sudden they were kissing for real. Sam’s hand rested against Dean’s cheek, and Dean’s gripped the back of Sam’s neck.
When they both needed air, they broke the contact, and Sam just stared. “No way. No motherfucking way. I’ve been trying so hard to make it go away, I thought you would run, you would think I was sick or crazy…”
Dean laughed. “Yeah. I know the feeling. I’ve been doing the exact same thing. We’re both morons.”
“But we can’t – I mean – can we? I keep thinking it’s wrong but part of me keeps saying that it doesn’t seem wrong, not really.”
“I get it, Sam, of course our instinct is going to say it’s not okay, but shit, we’re both adults, and if we know what we want, why shouldn’t we have it? Look at our lives, our whole entire fucking lives, man. Looking in from the outside, most of it would look wrong to someone else. But we’re not someone else.”
Now that they were finally talking about it, Sam felt like he could ask some questions. “Are you gay? I mean, you know, do you like guys? Have you been with guys?”
“I haven’t been with guys, if you mean having sex. But I can’t really answer your question. I want you, and you’re a guy, so what does that mean? I don’t know. I don’t care, honestly. What about you?”
Sam flushed and admitted, “No, I haven’t had sex with any guys, but to tell you the truth, I’ve only been with two girls, so it’s not like I’ve got a lot of experience. I never really thought about any guys like that, except for you.”
“Ha! So you’re totally gay for me. Awesome.” Dean was resorting to smartassery, his fallback position in situations like this. Well, it wasn’t really like he’d had a situation quite exactly like this before.
“Shut up, jerk, and kiss me again.”
Dean was more than happy to comply, but not before he retorted, “All right, bitch.”
Within minutes, the kissing had become more intense, Dean moving his lips onto Sam’s neck and Sam pulling at the hem of Dean’s t-shirt, trying to get it off. Admittedly, getting each other out of their clothes for the first time was a bit awkward, but both of them craved the contact of skin against skin. They’d already folded out the futon before they started watching Dirty Harry after putting Jay to bed, so there was a little room to spread out. Dean experimentally brushed Sam’s nipples with his fingertips and was rewarded with a sigh and an accompanying “Fuck, Dean, yeah”, which only made him a little bolder in his touching, tweaking Sam’s nipples and running his tongue over them repeatedly. Once they both had shed all their clothes, Sam took the lead and reached out, gently taking Dean’s dick in his hand and stroking, just going on what he knew he liked, since he’d never done this before. An all-out moan escaped Dean’s lips then, as his head rested on Sam’s shoulder and he couldn’t say anything except for “Yes, God, yes, just like that, please.”
Eventually, Dean moved back and pushed Sam down so that he was lying on top of him, straddling his thighs and pressing their hard cocks together as they both rolled their hips in search of friction. This was it, time to decide if they were going to take this slow or just go for it. He wasn’t really sure how to pose the question, but it turned out he didn’t have to.
“There’s lube in the bathroom. In the medicine cabinet”, Sam breathlessly whispered. “You wanna go get it?”
“You sure, Sammy? We don’t have to”
“I’m sure, Dean. So fucking sure. I’ll be here when you get back. Just go get it.”
Dean tried not to full-on sprint to the bathroom and back, but wasn’t really all that successful in that particular endeavor. There was a tiny part of him that worried he’d turn around to find Sam freaking out and pulling his clothes back on. But when he returned, all he saw was a mile and a half of naked Sammy, sprawled out on the mattress and stroking his cock very slowly with his eyes closed. He decided to give his brother one more chance to change his mind. “Sam”, he said, climbing back on to the futon, “you’re really sure about this? I know you haven’t”
“Yes, fuck, Dean, yes, I’m sure. You haven’t either, you already said.”
“Well, yeah, I haven’t, not with a guy, but I know how this works, it’s not like I haven’t been with one or two, uh, adventurous girls before. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not going to hurt me. You’d never hurt me, Dean”, Sam replied, looking into his brother’s eyes and spreading his legs, inviting Dean to kneel between his thighs. “I want you. And like you said, you know how this works. I trust you.”
That was all Dean needed to hear. He slicked up one finger and pushed gently around Sam’s hole, trying to loosen him up. “You gotta just breathe out, Sammy, and try to relax, all right?”
“Yeah, all right, I can”, oh holy fuck, that was Dean’s finger inside him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had a finger inside himself a few times when he was alone, so it didn’t take long for him to adjust and push back against it, breathing out heavily, “Please, Dean, more, come on.”
Dean lubed up again and pushed two fingers inside his brother’s entrance, moving in and out slowly until he could feel Sam’s muscles get even more relaxed. He added another finger, generously slicked up and very slowly, not wanting to hurt Sam in any way.
It did hurt, though. Sam tried to keep it off his face, but it hurt, that third finger slipping inside him. At the same time, it felt so damn good, he was sure Dean would not be able to tell the difference between pleasure and pain in what has at this point become full-on moaning and wailing. He was dead wrong about that.
“Is it too much, Sam? You want me to stop?”
“If you stop I will throttle you to death with my bare hands, I swear to Christ.”
Dean teased him and opened him up with pushing fingers, prodding touches against Sam’s skin, insistent tongue along his throat. Finally, Sam found the strength to put a few words together, but all he could manage was pathetic begging. “Fuck me, Dean, please, come on, I’m ready, just”
“All right, Sammy. Um, I think it’s easier if you’re turned around, though.”
Sam gave him a bitchface (Jesus, only Sam could manage a bitchface in the middle of getting fucked by his goddamn brother), but complied because Dean was the one who knew what he was doing. He folded his arms across the edge of the futon and rested his head on them while Dean slicked up his cock and angled Sam’s hips, pressing against his entrance but stopping short of pushing inside.
“Ask me if I’m sure one more time, Dean, and I’ll clock you right in the fucking jaw.”
Well, okay then. Dean pushed his dick inside, just the head, giving Sam a minute to steady himself before sliding the rest of the way in. Sam pulled in a hitched breath and cursed again, but moved back against Dean, encouraging him to move. Dean started slowly, Sam was so tight around him that he could barely get in and out, but after a minute or two it got a little easier and Sam was pretty damn enthusiastic, so Dean picked up the pace as he held on, one hand on Sam’s hip and one on his shoulder.
Not surprisingly, it wasn’t long before Dean could feel his orgasm approaching from the tight heat around his cock and the obscene sounds his brother was making, broken up only by the occasional “Fuck, Dean, so fucking good, please, want you, Dean, Dean, Dean…” He managed to move the hand he had on Sam’s shoulder around so that he was fisting Sam’s cock and within a moment they were both over the edge, Sam shooting his orgasm over Dean’s hand with a strangled shout, Dean coming hard with his brother’s name on his lips.
While they caught their breath, the question was in both of their minds once again.
What now?
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Date: 2011-11-05 12:28 am (UTC)As always, I can't wait for more!
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Date: 2011-11-05 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 07:43 am (UTC)Edition #2,039
Date: 2011-11-05 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 07:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 12:18 am (UTC)