SPN ReverseBang - Flicker (Meg/Cas)
Nov. 12th, 2018 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verucasalt123Art Title: Glow
Title: Flicker
Artist: brightly_lit
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
verucasalt123
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5600
Summary: Cas is in Idaho avoiding old friends when he runs into an old enemy. He’s starting to see why Meg misses the simplicity of the Apocalypse.
Castiel doesn’t need his grace to know there’s something very wrong with Dean. The whole visit to Rexburg had been...off. Not the hunting part so much - that was Dean’s natural state, and even Cas slipped right back into it when he needed to. It was pretty much everything else.
He heard Dean on the phone, talking about translation of Elamite. And sure, they have Crowley locked up in the dungeon, but Cas knows he could have done that for Sam and Kevin easily. His grace and his powers are gone, his memory is not. Crowley certainly would ask for something in return for making the translation, Cas would have done it without hesitation and how would that have put anyone in danger? That’s why they’re keeping their distance, according to Dean.
Though it turned out he didn’t need it, he had appreciated the dating advice. Maybe he’s going to need it one day, right? And they’d taken care of the Rit Zien, a big relief for both of them. Cas still can’t shake the fear he’d felt at just the idea, the memory of them, let alone facing one as a human.
He can’t shake the guilt he still feels for killing him, either. Ephraim had to be stopped, but as an angel interacting with humans for the first time, he had been as lost as Cas is without his grace. Those subtle differences in human emotion aren’t easy to discern, even though Cas has spent years in their presence. How was Ephraim to know the difference between emotional and physical pain? How was he to know that a person might say they want to die but not actually want to die?
It’s complicated, just like everything else is now.
This feeling he’s had all day, it vaguely reminds Cas of a feeling he’d been used to having when he was still an angel; knowing something without really knowing it. The five senses he has use of currently can’t explain what it is. It’s like a word on the tip of his tongue, or a scent he can’t quite identify.
He tries not to let it distract him as he goes about his regular work duties. He’s learned that concentrating on what he’s currently doing goes a long way toward keeping his mind clear of memories that don’t help and questions he can’t answer.
It’s late and he’s finishing his work, making sure everything is neat and orderly for the next shift when he hears the bell on the door. Heading back toward the counter, he stops abruptly when he sees a face he thought he’d never see again. Her hair is once again dark, but shorter than he’s seen it in the past. Everything else is the same. She’s smiling, that crooked grin that always makes her look as if she’s about to tell a joke. Leather jacket, jeans, high-heeled boots. Brown eyes dancing with mischief. Most importantly - alive, healthy, uninjured.
Cas blinks twice, three times. She’s still there.
“Meg?”
Her smile grows and she takes another step in his direction. “Clarence!”, she exclaims quietly, then her eyes move to his name tag. “Steve?”
“It’s a long story”, he tells her, his smile growing of its own volition.
They keep moving closer to each other until finally she throws her arms around him. Cas is surprised at how quickly he returns the gesture. She’s so small, so pleasantly warm against his skin, and she smells like baby powder and citrus, and -
The bell rings again, and the young man there to work the next shift clears his throat.
Quickly, Cas steps back. He’s suddenly unsure of himself, a feeling he has often as a human. Hugging feels very intimate to him, but he sees other people do it casually all the time. He hasn’t managed to get a word out before Meg beats him to it.
“Hey there”, she says, reading his name tag, “Corey, nice to meet you. I’m Meg, an old friend of Steve’s. We go way back. Now that you’re here, he and I are going out to have some drinks.”
Turning toward Cas, she says, “Ready to go?”
He nods, says good night to Corey, and they’re out the door. Letting her lead the way, he follows her to an unremarkable gray sedan parked on the side of the store. Cas realizes that he’s never thought about Meg driving a car before, but if he had, this isn’t what he would have imagined.
“Yeah, boring car, I know. Get in.”
He’s smiling for no reason again as he opens the passenger side door and slides in. When Meg tells him to put on his seat belt, he laughs a little.
“Shut up, I don’t want to get a ticket. I’m assuming your ID is as fake as mine, Steve?”
“It is, yes. Sorry, I’m just not used to it.”
“Does Dean’s car even have seat belts?”, she asks, sounding genuinely curious.
“Not this kind”, he responds, pulling the strap across his shoulder. “Where are we going, now?”
Meg rolls her eyes. “Just out for a few drinks, is that all right? Did you have other plans for tonight?”
“You know I didn’t, or you wouldn’t have shown up at my workplace. I haven’t consumed any alcohol since - you know. Like this.” Cas turns his head to look out the window. He doesn’t know how much she knows, and he doesn’t want her to feel sorry for him.
She turns on the radio, loud. They’re quiet until they get seated at the bar. It’s not exactly a place where he feels comfortable, but at least he’s been in plenty of bars like this over the past few years.
Meg orders them both vodka and soda, then starts talking. “So...the fake death thing, I’m sure you understand why I have to lay low. I still hear things, though. The entry level demons, you know they never shut up. That’s how I knew you were here.”
“Demons know I live here?”, Cas asks, fear creeping in quickly.
“They know Dean was here. Alone. Working a case. I...extrapolated. I’m guessing you don’t really want to be found any more than I do. Hopefully you’re not too disappointed being found by me.”
Cas mirrors her, takes the straw out of his glass and drinks. It’s refreshing, the carbonation and the ice and the warmth of the liquor. “I’m not. I don’t think the entry level demons would have much use for me, other than entertainment. The angels, on the other hand - I’m warded, but if they find me, it’s all over.” He takes another drink, then turns back toward Meg. He doesn’t fully recognize her expression, but he doesn’t think it’s pity, and he’ll take that as a win.
“So we’re both trying to stay off the radar. I’m sure there’s a lot more I need to know about your situation, but it looks like we can help each other out.”
That’s a familiar offer, and a familiar smile she’s flashing. Cas narrows his eyes. “What could I possibly do for you?” There’s nothing, he knows it, and he’s pretty sure she does too.
“Oh, come on, Clarence. You know I’m not a loner”, Meg tells him. When he continues to look at her as if expecting a different explanation, she swallows the rest of her drink and sets down her glass.
“Fine, all right, you’re going to be pissed off, but whatever. I know you don’t have anywhere to live, okay? I was snooping. I spied on you. Go ahead, get mad at me”, she finishes, flagging down their server for another drink and avoiding his eyes.
Cas grins, takes another sip of his drink. “Of course you were. If you hadn’t been snooping, how would you have found me at my job? That still doesn’t explain how we can be of assistance to each other given our current predicaments.”
She’s frustrated, he can tell. Her voice gives it away. “I have a place to live. You could stay there with me. Just until you get your own place, or until we get tired of each other’s faces.”
And that was incredibly unexpected. He hadn’t given any thought to where Meg was living, as he’d never given any thought to it in all the time they had known each other. Her revelation only leads to more questions, though.
“That’s a kind offer, but I can’t stay somewhere if you’ve taken it without permission, or if you’re living in some kind of illegal situation.”
“Clarence, for the love of - it’s a rental house. I signed a lease this morning. With a different fake ID. And I paid for it. With my money, that I have from working at a job, under another different fake ID. Staying off the radar means living like a regular person. And let’s please remember which of us is sleeping somewhere without permission right now, how about that?”
It’s a valid point. Cas thinks she looks like she’s embarrassed about having a job. She probably is. But they get through the details over another drink. She’s working remotely, doing translations for a few universities. The money goes into a checking account. She’s been traveling, but figured she’d take a chance when she found out he was here.
“I’m glad you have a stable situation, Meg. I really am. But living together? I’m not sure”, Cas tells her, feeling very conflicted. He is lonely. And he doesn’t have his own place to live.
Meg gives him another eyeroll, signals for the check. “Why don’t you just come and see it then? I have free HBO. We can watch True Blood. Or Game of Thrones.”
That’s all it takes, really. The offer of some company, some entertainment, some comfort. “All right. Thank you, I’d like to see your house”, he says, smiling a bit more.
It’s a short drive, only about ten minutes, and it’s pretty quiet in the car. He figures Meg still has as many questions as he does, but they can wait. They pull up and walk into a small, one-story house. It’s nice - two little bedrooms, a kitchen, a place to do the laundry. It must have come furnished, because there’s certainly nothing here that would identify this place as hers.
She opens the freezer, hands him an ice cream sandwich, and leads him to the living room. They sit on the sofa and eat their dessert and he decides to bring up the name thing, just for conversation.
“I wish you wouldn’t call me Clarence. I don’t really like it”, he tells her as he’s finishing his ice cream.
Meg laughs, the happy kind of laugh, not the mean one that he’s heard so many times before. “Well there’s no damn way I’m calling you Steve. I’ll just skip the nickname and call you Castiel like a grownup, okay?”
“Just Cas is fine. Castiel is an angel’s name.” He tries not to look sad but obviously fails.
“Sure, yeah, Cas. Whatever you want. So, what do you think? About staying here, I mean?”
Cas looks around again. “I don’t know”, he says, meeting Meg’s eyes.
Oh, and he knows that look.
“Maybe just for tonight?”, she asks, without any of the brash attitude he’d experienced during her previous attempts at flirtation.
And Cas knows, he knows he’s not going to leave, he knows what he’s saying yes to, just for tonight. He saves them both from any additional conversation on the subject by leaning in for a kiss.
It’s not like their last one, which had been a trick on her part and an experiment on his. She reciprocates almost immediately and Cas waits for something about this to feel wrong but that feeling doesn’t come. Meg holds on to his arms and pulls herself into his lap, one leg on each side of him, but doesn’t break the kiss.
He has to breathe, so he pulls back a bit. The look in her eyes is like nothing he’s ever seen before. He’s feeling so many different things right now, but at least he’s a bit familiar with some of them. A sudden confidence makes its way to the surface, and Cas slides his arms underneath her, then stands. Meg is easy to hold and clearly surprised, but she wraps her legs around his waist and stares at him.
“Bedroom”, Cas says, and Meg nods her head quickly.
“Yeah, yes, bedroom”, she responds, but he’s already moving.
This is not curiosity, and it’s not some desperate need for any kind of connection. Cas wants Meg, wants her so badly that he has nothing to which he can compare this feeling. He knows the word for it but the context is different, singular, almost painful.
Setting her down gently on top of the covers, he kisses her again. She’s underneath him now, and Cas likes that. He pulls away and sits up a bit, starts unbuttoning his shirt and watches her. Meg’s eyes look darker, not black, just like her pupils are dilated, and her cheeks are flushed pink. She seems to be content watching him take off his shirt, moving to touch his chest the second it’s bared. Just for a moment, she hesitates.
“That’s your warding?”, she asks, looking at the Enochian tattooed below the left side of his chest apprehensively.
Cas nods slowly. “It’s supposed to keep me hidden from angels. It won’t hurt you.”
His eyes close automatically when her skin touches his. When he opens them again, she’s pulling her top over her head and letting it fall to the floor, her bra following closely behind.
Cas never wants to close his eyes again. “You’re beautiful”, he says, pulling her in for another kiss. Following his instincts, he reaches out to touch her breast, holds it in his hand, moves his thumb across her nipple.
Meg sighs, it’s a sound of pleasure so he does it again, and again, softly. She looks up at him and says, “Hey, hey we can take it slow. We’ve got all night. This is your first-”
“No, I - no. Not the first, but I’m glad we have all night.”
She’s clearly interested in this, enough to stop for questions. “So you had sex? Like this, how you are now?”
“As a human, you mean? Yes. It was only one night, and she turned out to be a reaper who wanted to turn me over to the angels. As far as first experiences go, I would have preferred different circumstances”, Cas explained with a wry smile.
“I think I’d like to get the unabridged version of that story, on some other day”, Meg replied. “Can I ask you another question? Only because I’m trying to figure out if you even know what you like. Other than that - do you ever, you know, just by yourself?”
Cas could feel himself blush, this certainly wasn’t a question he thought was going to come up. The object is pretty clear, though - Meg wants to make sure he knows what he likes, she wants this to be good for him. So he pushes away the embarrassment and answers. “Yes, I do. I have. And I watched, ah, I’ve seen a couple of movie clips, on my phone, sometimes before on Sam’s or Dean’s computers. Not much, but enough, I hope .”
He must have been looking down, because he feels Meg touch his chin, push his face upward until they’re looking each other in the eye again. “It’s all good, Cas. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just - I mean, maybe you knew this after our last conversation, but I want to do this, I want to do this with you. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna like it, so I want you to like it, too, that’s all.”
As it turns out, Meg’s concern is unwarranted. As soon as they lose the rest of their clothes, Cas turns his full attention to pulling and biting Meg’s nipples, then licking over them like an apology. Not that she minds, he assumes, based on her closed eyes and quiet sighs.
After a few moments, Cas feels her hand on him, her fingers around his dick, her small fist slowly and steadily moving up and down. His breath catches in his throat; it’s so much different than the times he’s done this himself. He lets himself get lost in the pleasure for a bit, then shifts so he can touch her.
This is the part he’s unsure of, but he’s fairly sure he’s in good hands. As he slides his fingers through the wetness of her folds, her hips jerk up and her eyes fly open. Cas moves again, kissing her breasts, her stomach, then looks back up at her.
“I want to”, he says, then tastes his fingers where he’s touched her. “Just tell me what - I haven’t done this but-”
Meg smiles down at him, her eyes practically sparkling. “Please. I think you’ll know”, she responds, placing her hand on his head.
She tastes amazing, salty like skin but more. He knows how this works, in a technical sense, but that kind of knowledge seems very far away as he finds her clit with his tongue and presses down just a bit. Meg gives him direction (harder, faster, there) and he finds out he can read her cues by the sounds she makes, the way she twists the sheets in her hands, the movements of her hips. Cas moves one hand from her thigh and pushes a finger inside, and she immediately responds with a demand, “More, please more”, so he adds another.
It’s not very long after he starts moving his fingers in and out of her while steadily licking her clit that he can feel her legs start to shake.
“Cas, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t, please don’t stop-”, and he has no intention of stopping, then he feels everything curl up around him. Meg’s thighs squeeze against him, her inner muscles clench against his fingers, her moans sound almost like a cry and he knows what’s happening so he slows a bit until she grabs at him and pulls him up for a heated kiss.
He’s been able to mostly keep his mind off his own needs while attending to hers, but as they kiss his erection is rubbing against her skin and he can’t keep himself from pressing against her.
She whispers in his ear, “Now, please now”, as she reaches between them and spreads her legs even more. Now is good for Cas, very good, until he hits a speed bump in his mind.
“Protection? I don’t - I’m sorry, I-”
Meg reaches over into the nightstand drawer and produces a strip of condoms with a smile. “What? A girl’s got to be prepared, right?”
And there’s a moment for them to giggle and just stare at each other before she says, “Let me help you with this”, because he’s pretty sure it’s obvious he’s never done that.
It’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling, the condom, and she’s touching him so he’s got nothing to complain about. Then she guides his dick into her and the thought, unbidden, comes straight to the front of his mind, this is perfect. It certainly doesn’t get any less perfect once he starts moving. Gently, slowly at first, but again, he can interpret her cues so he pulls all the way out and pushes back in again with some force. Meg wraps her legs around him, looks up at him with that mischievous grin like a dare and Cas doesn’t hold back. Being on top of her, all the lights on, being able to see her, every expression she makes - it’s amazing and he wants it to last for much longer than he knows it will.
His own sounds of pleasure mix with hers, groans and hisses and cries and a few swear words. Cas is holding himself up, one hand on either side of her, when he feels his orgasm winding its way through his body. His strokes are harder and faster and Meg crosses her ankles, pulling him closer. When he comes, he closes his eyes and he shouts and he calls her name and he says another profanity before he finally stills, looks down at her again and starts to catch his breath.
Meg helps him with the condom and they do a cursory clean-up. Cas thinks they should probably talk but she shushes him, they can talk tomorrow, and they fall asleep within moments.
In the morning they do talk, and everything starts to make sense. He’s going to stay, because he wants to stay, and she wants him to stay, and neither of them want him sleeping in a closet. Meg offers him the other bedroom, but Cas doesn’t really see the point.
He goes out to get some more clothes, tries to hold her hand in the store, and she stares at him like he’s grown a second head. But after they check out, she takes his hand and holds it all the way through the parking lot. So - sex on every available surface is fine, public affection is a maybe yes maybe no, he’s still got a lot to learn. Either way, there’s a flicker of hope that life as a human will keep getting easier.
One thing Cas doesn’t do is tell Dean about his new living arrangements. He knows there’s something off, something important Dean is keeping from him. Meg reminds him that it wouldn’t exactly be the first time that happened.
So they get a little bit of time with this. She works, he works, they cook together, she gets him hooked on Breaking Bad. Every time he gets sentimental, she brushes it off, but then comes right back for it later, and he learns more and more.
The underlying issue of hiding from the demons and the angels always makes its way back to the surface, though. Cas wonders if he should be helping, even though Meg reminds him that hiding is probably safer.
“I never thought I’d see the day when I’d say it, but Dean is right. Let them handle this.”
“Meg, it doesn’t feel right. They’re human too, but they can fight. Maybe I can’t do all the things I could do before, but I was a soldier in Heaven. A warrior! I’m not useless!” Cas doesn’t notice he’s shouting until he stops.
Reaching out to take his hand, Meg assures him, “Of course you’re not useless, Cas. No one thinks that. They’re probably trying to protect you.”
Cas tells her, “Yeah, it’s what Dean keeps saying. But whatever it is that he’s hiding from me could end up being something that’s dangerous to him and to Sam.”
“Well, I’d tell you to talk to him, but even I know him well enough to know that you’re not going to change his mind. Anyway, you know they’ll call when they need you. They always do, and you always go.”
Her tone is pretty clear. “Is that a bad thing? You don’t approve?”, he asks.
“We both know you’ll be pulled back into their lives at some point. Whenever they decide. But for now, you have your own life here. Eventually, somebody will find a way to get your angel juice back. When that happens, you’ll look at me and you won’t see this pretty face. You’ll see a monster, a demon.” Meg turns away, but not quickly enough that he doesn’t see the tears in her eyes. “Can’t we just have this? For now? For however long we can have it?”
Cas doesn’t know how to respond to what she said about seeing her, but she doesn’t really give him the opportunity, so it’s probably for the best. Meg has changed to some extent, but she’s still not a big fan of poetry.
Life goes on like this for just a bit longer, not nearly long enough, when Meg rushes into the house and tells Cas to sit.
“I told you I hear things. There are demons close by, and the angels aren’t far behind. Cas, if the demons find me, that means they find you too, and for the right price they’d hand you over to the angels in a hot second. If the angels find us first, they’ll turn me to ashes without a thought. Please, you have to call for help. I know you think Dean’s keeping secrets from you, but you’re keeping a pretty damn big secret from him, too. For once, you can be the one who needs them to come when you call.” Meg looks scared, but she looks pretty angry, too.
So Cas calls Dean, gives him a brief summary of his living arrangements. Before there’s an opportunity for Dean to get in too much complaining, Cas cuts him off. “Yes, fine, we’ll talk about it later but I don’t owe you an explanation, and that’s not why I’m calling. I need your help. Or Sam’s, Kevin’s, just - I need help. We need help.”
It’s a pretty big surprise when Dean goes quiet and changes his tone of voice, asking Cas what he can do, of course, anything you need, and Cas knows that’s not quite true but it’s enough for now. After a stilted conversation, they have the makings of a plan. It turns out Kevin is the person best equipped for this job. His knowledge of demons, sigils, spellwork, and language is near encyclopedic. An additional benefit is that Kevin doesn’t share Dean’s aversion to airplanes, so he can fly to Idaho Falls in five hours instead of taking two days to get there in a car.
Meg looks apprehensive, so Cas sits with her. Holds her hand for as long as she’ll allow it, then holds onto her hair and kisses her for much longer. “Tell me what you’re thinking”, he says.
“How is the kid going to make the house demon-proof? I’m a demon. I live here. Will I have to go someplace else?”
Cas tries his best to reassure her. “You’ll have to take my word for it - Kevin will figure it out. I don’t want you going anywhere alone.”
She bristles at this like it’s her default setting. It puts him in mind of the last time he saw her before all of this, outside that warehouse asking why she needed protection. Right before she- but he’s got to clear his mind, because that’s not what happened, and she’s right here. He grabs her jaw with his thumb and forefinger, not hard enough to hurt, just enough that he knows he has her full attention. “Meg, you’re afraid, and that’s not a bad thing. You know as well as I do that fear is part of self preservation.”
It hasn’t taken long for Cas to learn what works for Meg, what gets him what he wants even when she doesn’t want to admit she wants it too. He stands up and looks down at her.
“Kevin won’t be here until very late tonight. Stop pouting and come to bed with me”, he says, and it’s definitely not a request, but that doesn’t stop her from crossing her arms and staying seated. So he gives her a few seconds.
“Now.”
He doesn’t reach for her, or pull her toward him, but he might as well, because she stands immediately and follows him.
It’s near dawn by the time they get Kevin settled in at the house. He claims not to need any rest because he slept on the plane but he’s clearly using some kind of stimulant. Cas doesn’t say anything, Kevin’s technically an adult and he needs to get started on the warding anyway. He sits quietly and listens as Kevin explains his plans. The salt lines should keep demons out, at least a reasonable amount of them. Kevin seems to anticipate Meg’s questions. She’ll know where the devil’s traps are, so she can avoid them. He’s brought ingredients for his “bombs”, which he swears he won’t use unless Meg is safely hidden away behind the sturdiest door in the house. He has to do some spellwork; Kevin’s words alone shouldn’t hurt her but she can keep her earbuds in and listen to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits for the eight-thousandth time just in case.
Everything seems to be set, planned, under control, and Cas starts getting ready to make Kevin’s reverse journey to Kansas. To the bunker, where he’ll try to help untangle the factions of angels, see if he can identify some who might not have chosen a side, who might not want any more of them to die.
He’s got a bag packed; clothes and shoes and false identification. He kisses Meg and promises her he’ll be back as soon as he can. She narrows her eyes, complains about having a teenage babysitter, tells him to get his sexy ass home undamaged, please. It’s going to be okay, just for now.
Except that it’s not, because Malachi’s soldiers come for Cas before he even makes it to the airport. Almost before he can register the movement, he’s grabbed roughly, and there’s a black hood over his head, and he has never been so afraid.
Almost as painful as the blades are the words; the accusations, the blame-
Do you have any idea how many of us died in the fall? How many are dead because of your actions? Again?
And Cas can’t say anything to make them believe him, he didn’t plan this, he never wanted it to happen, he thought he was doing something good, again. Please, brother, I never knew
He doesn’t think he can take much more, his human body won’t hold up for long under this torture, and there’s so much blood-
Then Malachi leaves him with Theo. Cruel, certainly, but a sycophant, a coward. He shows his true colors quickly enough. The moment Malachi is gone Theo wants to cut a deal, thinks Cas can help him, such astounding disloyalty and ignorance. It doesn’t take long before Cas has talked his way out of his bindings. Taking Theo’s grace and watching him turn into a human being before his eyes makes him sick. Cas doesn’t want to be responsible for the death of another angel, or another human, but there are more important items on his agenda.
None of those items include continuing his trip to Kansas. He does call, relays the information he heard to Dean in the hope that it might help them, but now it’s his turn to say that they need to keep their distance for everyone’s safety.
Everyone, in this case, being Meg, because he’s got to get back - home, he’s got to get home. He’s not too far away when he senses everything that’s happening. It’s overwhelming, this re-adjustment to feeling and seeing and knowing so much all at once. But there’s no time to spare. He reaches out with this stolen grace and-
Cas knows it all as if he were there as a witness. He senses an alarming number of demons, feels Meg’s terror as she hides behind the washing machine. The stench of Kevin’s spellwork and bombs reach him from a distance, and he knows the salt lines are broken.
As he enters his home, he sees Meg standing in the other doorway. She’s angry and she’s ready to fight and she’s brandishing the blade he left her, ready to gut a demon who’s inches from Kevin.
And this isn’t his, it belongs to another angel but it will do just fine for his purposes. Kevin turns to see him walking in and Cas shouts “Cover your eyes” in a voice so loud that he almost frightens himself. Meg dives back into the room and slams the door behind her.
The grace flows out of him in a flood, righteous and furious, and smites every demon anywhere even remotely close to their location.
Except, of course, the one hiding behind the door, gripping an angel blade and standing in a puddle of spilled laundry detergent.
The dust settles and Cas makes arrangements to get Kevin back to the bunker. The boy is brighter than they gave him credit for. There is powerful warding in their house now, it should keep the demons and the angels at bay at least for a while - except for the ones who live there.
Curled into his lap on their sofa, Meg asks all of her questions and he gives her all of the answers he can. No, he’s not Castiel again, he doesn’t want that name right now. Yes, he can see her, and no, he doesn’t care.
“I think it’s too late for me, Meg. You are you. When I look at you, I don’t have to see what you think I see, what I used to see. You thought I wouldn’t see this pretty face, but I do.”
“What will you do now? Get back into the fight? Do you think it’s your obligation? Or is that what you want?”
“I will fight, of course, if I’m needed. You were right about that. But Kevin has left us with protection. And now that I have this grace, even though it’s borrowed, I can keep you safe better than I could have as a human. You will have to decide, though. I have no doubt that the angels will find me eventually. If you’re with me when that happens, I will do anything in my power to protect you. But it’s still a risk.”
She pulls back a bit so they’re looking into each other’s eyes. “Everything is a risk, Cas. There are no guarantees in this life - not for humans, or demons, or angels. But I know I’d rather be with you than away from you”, she says, then leans back in so she can whisper in his ear.
“Feathers or not, you’re an excellent kisser.”
Title: Flicker
Artist: brightly_lit
Author:
verucasalt123Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~5600
Summary: Cas is in Idaho avoiding old friends when he runs into an old enemy. He’s starting to see why Meg misses the simplicity of the Apocalypse.
Castiel doesn’t need his grace to know there’s something very wrong with Dean. The whole visit to Rexburg had been...off. Not the hunting part so much - that was Dean’s natural state, and even Cas slipped right back into it when he needed to. It was pretty much everything else.
He heard Dean on the phone, talking about translation of Elamite. And sure, they have Crowley locked up in the dungeon, but Cas knows he could have done that for Sam and Kevin easily. His grace and his powers are gone, his memory is not. Crowley certainly would ask for something in return for making the translation, Cas would have done it without hesitation and how would that have put anyone in danger? That’s why they’re keeping their distance, according to Dean.
Though it turned out he didn’t need it, he had appreciated the dating advice. Maybe he’s going to need it one day, right? And they’d taken care of the Rit Zien, a big relief for both of them. Cas still can’t shake the fear he’d felt at just the idea, the memory of them, let alone facing one as a human.
He can’t shake the guilt he still feels for killing him, either. Ephraim had to be stopped, but as an angel interacting with humans for the first time, he had been as lost as Cas is without his grace. Those subtle differences in human emotion aren’t easy to discern, even though Cas has spent years in their presence. How was Ephraim to know the difference between emotional and physical pain? How was he to know that a person might say they want to die but not actually want to die?
It’s complicated, just like everything else is now.
This feeling he’s had all day, it vaguely reminds Cas of a feeling he’d been used to having when he was still an angel; knowing something without really knowing it. The five senses he has use of currently can’t explain what it is. It’s like a word on the tip of his tongue, or a scent he can’t quite identify.
He tries not to let it distract him as he goes about his regular work duties. He’s learned that concentrating on what he’s currently doing goes a long way toward keeping his mind clear of memories that don’t help and questions he can’t answer.
It’s late and he’s finishing his work, making sure everything is neat and orderly for the next shift when he hears the bell on the door. Heading back toward the counter, he stops abruptly when he sees a face he thought he’d never see again. Her hair is once again dark, but shorter than he’s seen it in the past. Everything else is the same. She’s smiling, that crooked grin that always makes her look as if she’s about to tell a joke. Leather jacket, jeans, high-heeled boots. Brown eyes dancing with mischief. Most importantly - alive, healthy, uninjured.
Cas blinks twice, three times. She’s still there.
“Meg?”
Her smile grows and she takes another step in his direction. “Clarence!”, she exclaims quietly, then her eyes move to his name tag. “Steve?”
“It’s a long story”, he tells her, his smile growing of its own volition.
They keep moving closer to each other until finally she throws her arms around him. Cas is surprised at how quickly he returns the gesture. She’s so small, so pleasantly warm against his skin, and she smells like baby powder and citrus, and -
The bell rings again, and the young man there to work the next shift clears his throat.
Quickly, Cas steps back. He’s suddenly unsure of himself, a feeling he has often as a human. Hugging feels very intimate to him, but he sees other people do it casually all the time. He hasn’t managed to get a word out before Meg beats him to it.
“Hey there”, she says, reading his name tag, “Corey, nice to meet you. I’m Meg, an old friend of Steve’s. We go way back. Now that you’re here, he and I are going out to have some drinks.”
Turning toward Cas, she says, “Ready to go?”
He nods, says good night to Corey, and they’re out the door. Letting her lead the way, he follows her to an unremarkable gray sedan parked on the side of the store. Cas realizes that he’s never thought about Meg driving a car before, but if he had, this isn’t what he would have imagined.
“Yeah, boring car, I know. Get in.”
He’s smiling for no reason again as he opens the passenger side door and slides in. When Meg tells him to put on his seat belt, he laughs a little.
“Shut up, I don’t want to get a ticket. I’m assuming your ID is as fake as mine, Steve?”
“It is, yes. Sorry, I’m just not used to it.”
“Does Dean’s car even have seat belts?”, she asks, sounding genuinely curious.
“Not this kind”, he responds, pulling the strap across his shoulder. “Where are we going, now?”
Meg rolls her eyes. “Just out for a few drinks, is that all right? Did you have other plans for tonight?”
“You know I didn’t, or you wouldn’t have shown up at my workplace. I haven’t consumed any alcohol since - you know. Like this.” Cas turns his head to look out the window. He doesn’t know how much she knows, and he doesn’t want her to feel sorry for him.
She turns on the radio, loud. They’re quiet until they get seated at the bar. It’s not exactly a place where he feels comfortable, but at least he’s been in plenty of bars like this over the past few years.
Meg orders them both vodka and soda, then starts talking. “So...the fake death thing, I’m sure you understand why I have to lay low. I still hear things, though. The entry level demons, you know they never shut up. That’s how I knew you were here.”
“Demons know I live here?”, Cas asks, fear creeping in quickly.
“They know Dean was here. Alone. Working a case. I...extrapolated. I’m guessing you don’t really want to be found any more than I do. Hopefully you’re not too disappointed being found by me.”
Cas mirrors her, takes the straw out of his glass and drinks. It’s refreshing, the carbonation and the ice and the warmth of the liquor. “I’m not. I don’t think the entry level demons would have much use for me, other than entertainment. The angels, on the other hand - I’m warded, but if they find me, it’s all over.” He takes another drink, then turns back toward Meg. He doesn’t fully recognize her expression, but he doesn’t think it’s pity, and he’ll take that as a win.
“So we’re both trying to stay off the radar. I’m sure there’s a lot more I need to know about your situation, but it looks like we can help each other out.”
That’s a familiar offer, and a familiar smile she’s flashing. Cas narrows his eyes. “What could I possibly do for you?” There’s nothing, he knows it, and he’s pretty sure she does too.
“Oh, come on, Clarence. You know I’m not a loner”, Meg tells him. When he continues to look at her as if expecting a different explanation, she swallows the rest of her drink and sets down her glass.
“Fine, all right, you’re going to be pissed off, but whatever. I know you don’t have anywhere to live, okay? I was snooping. I spied on you. Go ahead, get mad at me”, she finishes, flagging down their server for another drink and avoiding his eyes.
Cas grins, takes another sip of his drink. “Of course you were. If you hadn’t been snooping, how would you have found me at my job? That still doesn’t explain how we can be of assistance to each other given our current predicaments.”
She’s frustrated, he can tell. Her voice gives it away. “I have a place to live. You could stay there with me. Just until you get your own place, or until we get tired of each other’s faces.”
And that was incredibly unexpected. He hadn’t given any thought to where Meg was living, as he’d never given any thought to it in all the time they had known each other. Her revelation only leads to more questions, though.
“That’s a kind offer, but I can’t stay somewhere if you’ve taken it without permission, or if you’re living in some kind of illegal situation.”
“Clarence, for the love of - it’s a rental house. I signed a lease this morning. With a different fake ID. And I paid for it. With my money, that I have from working at a job, under another different fake ID. Staying off the radar means living like a regular person. And let’s please remember which of us is sleeping somewhere without permission right now, how about that?”
It’s a valid point. Cas thinks she looks like she’s embarrassed about having a job. She probably is. But they get through the details over another drink. She’s working remotely, doing translations for a few universities. The money goes into a checking account. She’s been traveling, but figured she’d take a chance when she found out he was here.
“I’m glad you have a stable situation, Meg. I really am. But living together? I’m not sure”, Cas tells her, feeling very conflicted. He is lonely. And he doesn’t have his own place to live.
Meg gives him another eyeroll, signals for the check. “Why don’t you just come and see it then? I have free HBO. We can watch True Blood. Or Game of Thrones.”
That’s all it takes, really. The offer of some company, some entertainment, some comfort. “All right. Thank you, I’d like to see your house”, he says, smiling a bit more.
It’s a short drive, only about ten minutes, and it’s pretty quiet in the car. He figures Meg still has as many questions as he does, but they can wait. They pull up and walk into a small, one-story house. It’s nice - two little bedrooms, a kitchen, a place to do the laundry. It must have come furnished, because there’s certainly nothing here that would identify this place as hers.
She opens the freezer, hands him an ice cream sandwich, and leads him to the living room. They sit on the sofa and eat their dessert and he decides to bring up the name thing, just for conversation.
“I wish you wouldn’t call me Clarence. I don’t really like it”, he tells her as he’s finishing his ice cream.
Meg laughs, the happy kind of laugh, not the mean one that he’s heard so many times before. “Well there’s no damn way I’m calling you Steve. I’ll just skip the nickname and call you Castiel like a grownup, okay?”
“Just Cas is fine. Castiel is an angel’s name.” He tries not to look sad but obviously fails.
“Sure, yeah, Cas. Whatever you want. So, what do you think? About staying here, I mean?”
Cas looks around again. “I don’t know”, he says, meeting Meg’s eyes.
Oh, and he knows that look.
“Maybe just for tonight?”, she asks, without any of the brash attitude he’d experienced during her previous attempts at flirtation.
And Cas knows, he knows he’s not going to leave, he knows what he’s saying yes to, just for tonight. He saves them both from any additional conversation on the subject by leaning in for a kiss.
It’s not like their last one, which had been a trick on her part and an experiment on his. She reciprocates almost immediately and Cas waits for something about this to feel wrong but that feeling doesn’t come. Meg holds on to his arms and pulls herself into his lap, one leg on each side of him, but doesn’t break the kiss.
He has to breathe, so he pulls back a bit. The look in her eyes is like nothing he’s ever seen before. He’s feeling so many different things right now, but at least he’s a bit familiar with some of them. A sudden confidence makes its way to the surface, and Cas slides his arms underneath her, then stands. Meg is easy to hold and clearly surprised, but she wraps her legs around his waist and stares at him.
“Bedroom”, Cas says, and Meg nods her head quickly.
“Yeah, yes, bedroom”, she responds, but he’s already moving.
This is not curiosity, and it’s not some desperate need for any kind of connection. Cas wants Meg, wants her so badly that he has nothing to which he can compare this feeling. He knows the word for it but the context is different, singular, almost painful.
Setting her down gently on top of the covers, he kisses her again. She’s underneath him now, and Cas likes that. He pulls away and sits up a bit, starts unbuttoning his shirt and watches her. Meg’s eyes look darker, not black, just like her pupils are dilated, and her cheeks are flushed pink. She seems to be content watching him take off his shirt, moving to touch his chest the second it’s bared. Just for a moment, she hesitates.
“That’s your warding?”, she asks, looking at the Enochian tattooed below the left side of his chest apprehensively.
Cas nods slowly. “It’s supposed to keep me hidden from angels. It won’t hurt you.”
His eyes close automatically when her skin touches his. When he opens them again, she’s pulling her top over her head and letting it fall to the floor, her bra following closely behind.
Cas never wants to close his eyes again. “You’re beautiful”, he says, pulling her in for another kiss. Following his instincts, he reaches out to touch her breast, holds it in his hand, moves his thumb across her nipple.
Meg sighs, it’s a sound of pleasure so he does it again, and again, softly. She looks up at him and says, “Hey, hey we can take it slow. We’ve got all night. This is your first-”
“No, I - no. Not the first, but I’m glad we have all night.”
She’s clearly interested in this, enough to stop for questions. “So you had sex? Like this, how you are now?”
“As a human, you mean? Yes. It was only one night, and she turned out to be a reaper who wanted to turn me over to the angels. As far as first experiences go, I would have preferred different circumstances”, Cas explained with a wry smile.
“I think I’d like to get the unabridged version of that story, on some other day”, Meg replied. “Can I ask you another question? Only because I’m trying to figure out if you even know what you like. Other than that - do you ever, you know, just by yourself?”
Cas could feel himself blush, this certainly wasn’t a question he thought was going to come up. The object is pretty clear, though - Meg wants to make sure he knows what he likes, she wants this to be good for him. So he pushes away the embarrassment and answers. “Yes, I do. I have. And I watched, ah, I’ve seen a couple of movie clips, on my phone, sometimes before on Sam’s or Dean’s computers. Not much, but enough, I hope .”
He must have been looking down, because he feels Meg touch his chin, push his face upward until they’re looking each other in the eye again. “It’s all good, Cas. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just - I mean, maybe you knew this after our last conversation, but I want to do this, I want to do this with you. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna like it, so I want you to like it, too, that’s all.”
As it turns out, Meg’s concern is unwarranted. As soon as they lose the rest of their clothes, Cas turns his full attention to pulling and biting Meg’s nipples, then licking over them like an apology. Not that she minds, he assumes, based on her closed eyes and quiet sighs.
After a few moments, Cas feels her hand on him, her fingers around his dick, her small fist slowly and steadily moving up and down. His breath catches in his throat; it’s so much different than the times he’s done this himself. He lets himself get lost in the pleasure for a bit, then shifts so he can touch her.
This is the part he’s unsure of, but he’s fairly sure he’s in good hands. As he slides his fingers through the wetness of her folds, her hips jerk up and her eyes fly open. Cas moves again, kissing her breasts, her stomach, then looks back up at her.
“I want to”, he says, then tastes his fingers where he’s touched her. “Just tell me what - I haven’t done this but-”
Meg smiles down at him, her eyes practically sparkling. “Please. I think you’ll know”, she responds, placing her hand on his head.
She tastes amazing, salty like skin but more. He knows how this works, in a technical sense, but that kind of knowledge seems very far away as he finds her clit with his tongue and presses down just a bit. Meg gives him direction (harder, faster, there) and he finds out he can read her cues by the sounds she makes, the way she twists the sheets in her hands, the movements of her hips. Cas moves one hand from her thigh and pushes a finger inside, and she immediately responds with a demand, “More, please more”, so he adds another.
It’s not very long after he starts moving his fingers in and out of her while steadily licking her clit that he can feel her legs start to shake.
“Cas, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t, please don’t stop-”, and he has no intention of stopping, then he feels everything curl up around him. Meg’s thighs squeeze against him, her inner muscles clench against his fingers, her moans sound almost like a cry and he knows what’s happening so he slows a bit until she grabs at him and pulls him up for a heated kiss.
He’s been able to mostly keep his mind off his own needs while attending to hers, but as they kiss his erection is rubbing against her skin and he can’t keep himself from pressing against her.
She whispers in his ear, “Now, please now”, as she reaches between them and spreads her legs even more. Now is good for Cas, very good, until he hits a speed bump in his mind.
“Protection? I don’t - I’m sorry, I-”
Meg reaches over into the nightstand drawer and produces a strip of condoms with a smile. “What? A girl’s got to be prepared, right?”
And there’s a moment for them to giggle and just stare at each other before she says, “Let me help you with this”, because he’s pretty sure it’s obvious he’s never done that.
It’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling, the condom, and she’s touching him so he’s got nothing to complain about. Then she guides his dick into her and the thought, unbidden, comes straight to the front of his mind, this is perfect. It certainly doesn’t get any less perfect once he starts moving. Gently, slowly at first, but again, he can interpret her cues so he pulls all the way out and pushes back in again with some force. Meg wraps her legs around him, looks up at him with that mischievous grin like a dare and Cas doesn’t hold back. Being on top of her, all the lights on, being able to see her, every expression she makes - it’s amazing and he wants it to last for much longer than he knows it will.
His own sounds of pleasure mix with hers, groans and hisses and cries and a few swear words. Cas is holding himself up, one hand on either side of her, when he feels his orgasm winding its way through his body. His strokes are harder and faster and Meg crosses her ankles, pulling him closer. When he comes, he closes his eyes and he shouts and he calls her name and he says another profanity before he finally stills, looks down at her again and starts to catch his breath.
Meg helps him with the condom and they do a cursory clean-up. Cas thinks they should probably talk but she shushes him, they can talk tomorrow, and they fall asleep within moments.
In the morning they do talk, and everything starts to make sense. He’s going to stay, because he wants to stay, and she wants him to stay, and neither of them want him sleeping in a closet. Meg offers him the other bedroom, but Cas doesn’t really see the point.
He goes out to get some more clothes, tries to hold her hand in the store, and she stares at him like he’s grown a second head. But after they check out, she takes his hand and holds it all the way through the parking lot. So - sex on every available surface is fine, public affection is a maybe yes maybe no, he’s still got a lot to learn. Either way, there’s a flicker of hope that life as a human will keep getting easier.
One thing Cas doesn’t do is tell Dean about his new living arrangements. He knows there’s something off, something important Dean is keeping from him. Meg reminds him that it wouldn’t exactly be the first time that happened.
So they get a little bit of time with this. She works, he works, they cook together, she gets him hooked on Breaking Bad. Every time he gets sentimental, she brushes it off, but then comes right back for it later, and he learns more and more.
The underlying issue of hiding from the demons and the angels always makes its way back to the surface, though. Cas wonders if he should be helping, even though Meg reminds him that hiding is probably safer.
“I never thought I’d see the day when I’d say it, but Dean is right. Let them handle this.”
“Meg, it doesn’t feel right. They’re human too, but they can fight. Maybe I can’t do all the things I could do before, but I was a soldier in Heaven. A warrior! I’m not useless!” Cas doesn’t notice he’s shouting until he stops.
Reaching out to take his hand, Meg assures him, “Of course you’re not useless, Cas. No one thinks that. They’re probably trying to protect you.”
Cas tells her, “Yeah, it’s what Dean keeps saying. But whatever it is that he’s hiding from me could end up being something that’s dangerous to him and to Sam.”
“Well, I’d tell you to talk to him, but even I know him well enough to know that you’re not going to change his mind. Anyway, you know they’ll call when they need you. They always do, and you always go.”
Her tone is pretty clear. “Is that a bad thing? You don’t approve?”, he asks.
“We both know you’ll be pulled back into their lives at some point. Whenever they decide. But for now, you have your own life here. Eventually, somebody will find a way to get your angel juice back. When that happens, you’ll look at me and you won’t see this pretty face. You’ll see a monster, a demon.” Meg turns away, but not quickly enough that he doesn’t see the tears in her eyes. “Can’t we just have this? For now? For however long we can have it?”
Cas doesn’t know how to respond to what she said about seeing her, but she doesn’t really give him the opportunity, so it’s probably for the best. Meg has changed to some extent, but she’s still not a big fan of poetry.
Life goes on like this for just a bit longer, not nearly long enough, when Meg rushes into the house and tells Cas to sit.
“I told you I hear things. There are demons close by, and the angels aren’t far behind. Cas, if the demons find me, that means they find you too, and for the right price they’d hand you over to the angels in a hot second. If the angels find us first, they’ll turn me to ashes without a thought. Please, you have to call for help. I know you think Dean’s keeping secrets from you, but you’re keeping a pretty damn big secret from him, too. For once, you can be the one who needs them to come when you call.” Meg looks scared, but she looks pretty angry, too.
So Cas calls Dean, gives him a brief summary of his living arrangements. Before there’s an opportunity for Dean to get in too much complaining, Cas cuts him off. “Yes, fine, we’ll talk about it later but I don’t owe you an explanation, and that’s not why I’m calling. I need your help. Or Sam’s, Kevin’s, just - I need help. We need help.”
It’s a pretty big surprise when Dean goes quiet and changes his tone of voice, asking Cas what he can do, of course, anything you need, and Cas knows that’s not quite true but it’s enough for now. After a stilted conversation, they have the makings of a plan. It turns out Kevin is the person best equipped for this job. His knowledge of demons, sigils, spellwork, and language is near encyclopedic. An additional benefit is that Kevin doesn’t share Dean’s aversion to airplanes, so he can fly to Idaho Falls in five hours instead of taking two days to get there in a car.
Meg looks apprehensive, so Cas sits with her. Holds her hand for as long as she’ll allow it, then holds onto her hair and kisses her for much longer. “Tell me what you’re thinking”, he says.
“How is the kid going to make the house demon-proof? I’m a demon. I live here. Will I have to go someplace else?”
Cas tries his best to reassure her. “You’ll have to take my word for it - Kevin will figure it out. I don’t want you going anywhere alone.”
She bristles at this like it’s her default setting. It puts him in mind of the last time he saw her before all of this, outside that warehouse asking why she needed protection. Right before she- but he’s got to clear his mind, because that’s not what happened, and she’s right here. He grabs her jaw with his thumb and forefinger, not hard enough to hurt, just enough that he knows he has her full attention. “Meg, you’re afraid, and that’s not a bad thing. You know as well as I do that fear is part of self preservation.”
It hasn’t taken long for Cas to learn what works for Meg, what gets him what he wants even when she doesn’t want to admit she wants it too. He stands up and looks down at her.
“Kevin won’t be here until very late tonight. Stop pouting and come to bed with me”, he says, and it’s definitely not a request, but that doesn’t stop her from crossing her arms and staying seated. So he gives her a few seconds.
“Now.”
He doesn’t reach for her, or pull her toward him, but he might as well, because she stands immediately and follows him.
It’s near dawn by the time they get Kevin settled in at the house. He claims not to need any rest because he slept on the plane but he’s clearly using some kind of stimulant. Cas doesn’t say anything, Kevin’s technically an adult and he needs to get started on the warding anyway. He sits quietly and listens as Kevin explains his plans. The salt lines should keep demons out, at least a reasonable amount of them. Kevin seems to anticipate Meg’s questions. She’ll know where the devil’s traps are, so she can avoid them. He’s brought ingredients for his “bombs”, which he swears he won’t use unless Meg is safely hidden away behind the sturdiest door in the house. He has to do some spellwork; Kevin’s words alone shouldn’t hurt her but she can keep her earbuds in and listen to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits for the eight-thousandth time just in case.
Everything seems to be set, planned, under control, and Cas starts getting ready to make Kevin’s reverse journey to Kansas. To the bunker, where he’ll try to help untangle the factions of angels, see if he can identify some who might not have chosen a side, who might not want any more of them to die.
He’s got a bag packed; clothes and shoes and false identification. He kisses Meg and promises her he’ll be back as soon as he can. She narrows her eyes, complains about having a teenage babysitter, tells him to get his sexy ass home undamaged, please. It’s going to be okay, just for now.
Except that it’s not, because Malachi’s soldiers come for Cas before he even makes it to the airport. Almost before he can register the movement, he’s grabbed roughly, and there’s a black hood over his head, and he has never been so afraid.
Almost as painful as the blades are the words; the accusations, the blame-
Do you have any idea how many of us died in the fall? How many are dead because of your actions? Again?
And Cas can’t say anything to make them believe him, he didn’t plan this, he never wanted it to happen, he thought he was doing something good, again. Please, brother, I never knew
He doesn’t think he can take much more, his human body won’t hold up for long under this torture, and there’s so much blood-
Then Malachi leaves him with Theo. Cruel, certainly, but a sycophant, a coward. He shows his true colors quickly enough. The moment Malachi is gone Theo wants to cut a deal, thinks Cas can help him, such astounding disloyalty and ignorance. It doesn’t take long before Cas has talked his way out of his bindings. Taking Theo’s grace and watching him turn into a human being before his eyes makes him sick. Cas doesn’t want to be responsible for the death of another angel, or another human, but there are more important items on his agenda.
None of those items include continuing his trip to Kansas. He does call, relays the information he heard to Dean in the hope that it might help them, but now it’s his turn to say that they need to keep their distance for everyone’s safety.
Everyone, in this case, being Meg, because he’s got to get back - home, he’s got to get home. He’s not too far away when he senses everything that’s happening. It’s overwhelming, this re-adjustment to feeling and seeing and knowing so much all at once. But there’s no time to spare. He reaches out with this stolen grace and-
Cas knows it all as if he were there as a witness. He senses an alarming number of demons, feels Meg’s terror as she hides behind the washing machine. The stench of Kevin’s spellwork and bombs reach him from a distance, and he knows the salt lines are broken.
As he enters his home, he sees Meg standing in the other doorway. She’s angry and she’s ready to fight and she’s brandishing the blade he left her, ready to gut a demon who’s inches from Kevin.
And this isn’t his, it belongs to another angel but it will do just fine for his purposes. Kevin turns to see him walking in and Cas shouts “Cover your eyes” in a voice so loud that he almost frightens himself. Meg dives back into the room and slams the door behind her.
The grace flows out of him in a flood, righteous and furious, and smites every demon anywhere even remotely close to their location.
Except, of course, the one hiding behind the door, gripping an angel blade and standing in a puddle of spilled laundry detergent.
The dust settles and Cas makes arrangements to get Kevin back to the bunker. The boy is brighter than they gave him credit for. There is powerful warding in their house now, it should keep the demons and the angels at bay at least for a while - except for the ones who live there.
Curled into his lap on their sofa, Meg asks all of her questions and he gives her all of the answers he can. No, he’s not Castiel again, he doesn’t want that name right now. Yes, he can see her, and no, he doesn’t care.
“I think it’s too late for me, Meg. You are you. When I look at you, I don’t have to see what you think I see, what I used to see. You thought I wouldn’t see this pretty face, but I do.”
“What will you do now? Get back into the fight? Do you think it’s your obligation? Or is that what you want?”
“I will fight, of course, if I’m needed. You were right about that. But Kevin has left us with protection. And now that I have this grace, even though it’s borrowed, I can keep you safe better than I could have as a human. You will have to decide, though. I have no doubt that the angels will find me eventually. If you’re with me when that happens, I will do anything in my power to protect you. But it’s still a risk.”
She pulls back a bit so they’re looking into each other’s eyes. “Everything is a risk, Cas. There are no guarantees in this life - not for humans, or demons, or angels. But I know I’d rather be with you than away from you”, she says, then leans back in so she can whisper in his ear.
“Feathers or not, you’re an excellent kisser.”
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no subject
Date: 2018-11-13 09:49 pm (UTC)Here are some of my favorite lines:
This feeling he’s had all day, it vaguely reminds Cas of a feeling he’d been used to having when he was still an angel; knowing something without really knowing it. The five senses he has use of currently can’t explain what it is. It’s like a word on the tip of his tongue, or a scent he can’t quite identify.
This is a wonderful description! So evocative, and I'm a sucker for Cas angel-vs-human stuff.
his smile growing of its own volition.
LOVE THIS! Perfect image.
Cas never wants to close his eyes again.
Lovely.
Every time he gets sentimental, she brushes it off, but then comes right back for it later, and he learns more and more.
GREAT line.
I like Meg being a Pat Benatar fan!
The ending is so cute. I love seeing them happy together!!
no subject
Date: 2018-11-14 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-14 10:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-11-14 02:22 pm (UTC)Wow, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked the story. This kick-ass art got me all up in my S9 feels. <3 <3