A very interesting development

[verucasalt123]

So, my very close friend has a toddler, a 14 month old boy to whom I feel quite intimately connected. When she was in the early months of her pregnancy, she was very very ill, and I tried to help when I could, sitting with her, getting her older kids to school, running errands, whatever. Small stuff, in the grand scheme of things, for which she gives me much greater credit than I am due. But I have loved this baby since long before he was born, even when I hated him for making his mom so fucking sick. Yes, I realize that sounds awful, but give me a break. My friend was half-dead, admitted to the hospital because she was malnourished from constant vomiting, and unable to even stand most of the time, so okay, I had some resentment. At the same time, I wanted him to be okay, I wanted her to be okay, I just wanted everyfuckingthing to be okay.

And so it was. She got better, and he was fine in there, and now he's walking around and being silly and precocious and adorable. But sometimes he gets sick, and I don't like it when he's sick. Maybe it's the protective instinct I have for this child that makes it happen.

But more than once, when she and I have been out with the baby, strangers assume that she and I are a couple and that the baby is ours. Though clearly, with his ginger curls and sweet blue eyes, he is hers.

It happened again today, when he got a rash and I went with my friend to the pediatric ER so the baby could get looked over. When the doctor came in, he was clearly directing all of his comments and advice to both of us. While he spoke, his eyes landed on me and my friend in turn as he assured us that "your son will be just fine".

Maybe it was because I'd taken up a concerned and just slightly menacing stance behind the exam room bed.

We laughed about it, and told her husband and our teenage daughters about it like it was a joke, a silly thing.

It's a strange feeling, but at the same time completely natural. That underlying sense that her kids are mine, and my kids are hers, and we're like this funky blended family because I love my friend so very dearly, and I feel like I had a little bit of a hand in helping her through the nightmare that was her most recent pregnancy. Because her oldest daughter and my oldest daughter love each other, because my youngest daughter and her youngest daughter love each other, because I love her. Because she has this amazing 20-year marriage to a wonderful man and a beautiful family, and I'm a half-assed single mom just barely keeping my head above water, and they've welcomed me in; me and my daughters, made me a part of their family, something for which I can never express my gratitude.

So I'm not going to bitch that sometimes people think we're a couple. Though my friend would be well within her rights to say, "Don't you think I could do better than this? If I wanted a girlfriend, I could get one who wasn't fat and frumpy and harboring a pretty serious alcohol addiction, dumbass".

Comments

[agirlnamedtruth.livejournal.com]

I'm still irked that someone in a supermarket presumed that the two kids I was with were mine rather than the responsible 38 year old with the trolly, picking out baby food, next to me (who happened to be my sister).

I swear I can't so much as help her without people giving me 'teen pregnancy' looks =/

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'm almost 40, no one gives me those looks :)

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

Seems to me you must be missing some pretty special things about yourself, for your friend and your daughters to love you so much! *hugs*

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

[embroiderama]

*hugs* I imagine that's not what your friends see in you. But that's pretty awesome that you have such a great relationship with them, and it's sweet that you're like a second mom to the little boy.

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

~hugs~ back

[fabularasa.livejournal.com]

Well, I would imagine she doesn't think that. I mean, if I ever ran across her, I'm sure what she would say is this: I'm so damn fucking lucky to have a friend I know I can call at 2 a.m. and say, I need you, and she will be at my door before I have clicked "end." She would say, I am so damn fucking lucky to have a friend whose friendship never comes with judgments, but only with love and acceptance. She would say, I am so damn fucking lucky to know someone so generous and giving it shames me sometimes, and whose loving generosity never asks or expects return. She would say, I am so damn fucking lucky to know someone who shares my sense of humor, and who I can always count on to giggle with me inappropriately in solemn moments and PTA meetings, and laugh at fart sounds. She would say, I am so damn fucking lucky to have happened into knowing someone as funny, kind, clever, and lovely as you. She would also say, that last thing you mentioned? We will figure it out together, and I will be there with you every step of the way. She would say, I love you.

That's what she would say, I imagine.

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

Well, when you see her, tell her I love her too :)

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

This is an awesome entry.

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

I have awesome friends!

[layne67.livejournal.com]

You're a wonderful friend. Your friend is lucky to have you!

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

I am lucky to have her.